Everybody Joins the Brawl
by Zelda12343
Summary: A multicrossover. In which Smash Manor gets some new characters... Rated T for eventual swearing, possible romance, and because SSBB is rated T anyway! Please review to request your favorite character to join the brawl, or a new stage, or anything.
1. Link makes a mistake

**Link makes a big mistake**

**Author's note: **_This'll be the first official crackfic that I'm writing. It's a multicrossover, so if there's a character, any character, that you want to appear, just let me know! Reviews are appreciated, as always.

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Link laughed as he finally KO'd Bowser at last. He'd been in a self-torturous mood that day, and had decided to fight Bowser, King Dedede, and Ganondorf, all at level nine. To add to that, the Stock was 99 and they were at his least favorite stage, New Pork City. As a result, the match had been going on for about three weeks. Link had no clue how he'd managed to fight that long and how he'd managed to finally defeat them. However, he was very glad that he'd be heading back to Smash Manor at last.

Maybe he'd take a warm shower. Link had a secret love for warm showers (and baths). As a matter of fact, the only thing that he disliked about his frequent quests were the lack of adequate showers. Link intensely regretted the time that he'd taken a warm shower at Lon Lon ranch during his Time quest. What, he'd _thought _Malon was out delivering milk. Besides, he was the Hero of Basically Everything in Hyrule, as he liked to call himself! Shouldn't someone be HAPPY when he was discovered in their house? As it turned out, Malon didn't care that he was the Hero of Basically Everything in Hyrule.

Link sighed. He still had a scar from where she'd hit him with that empty bottle. Empty bottles were more dangerous than they were given credit for. As a matter of fact, now that Link thought about it, he'd defeated Ganondorf with the help of an empty bottle one time, and with the help of a fishing pole another. How the heck did Ganondorf expect to be a great king of evil if he was defeated by the two least dangerous items in the game?

After a short photo shoot that always happened after brawls, when the losers had to clap for the winner (unless the losers were Kotu the Pokémon trainer, who'd put his hat over his eyes, or the Ice Climbers, who cried), Link stepped into the teleporting device, expecting to be on his way back to the Mansion. However, the screen went dark, then a red circle appeared.

"Challenger approaching!" said a bright red subtitle. A dark outline appeared, only visible because of the red circle.

"Wait, all of the Smashers are already at the Mansion! What in the name of Din?" Link was stunned. Master Hand hadn't said anything about new Smashers! Of course, it could always happen. A fourth tournament was said to be on its way.

Link realized that they'd appeared at Hyrule Temple. _Someone I know, then, _Link thought.

Suddenly, on the other side of the stage, Twilit energy began to stream downwards, forming the shape of a very large human being; taller than Link, taller than Ganondorf, even. Well, the helmet added to that, Link was pretty sure.

"Zant!" he cried when he realized that it was the insane usurper of the throne of the Twili.

In response, Zant gave a high-pitched shriek. Link groaned inwardly. Zant's vocal effects had been a joke, Link was sure of it.

"Hello, Link!" he shouted. He then jumped up and down six times and shrieked some more.

"Did Master Hand invite you?" asked Link.

"No!" Zant replied joyfully. "I invited myself!"

_Ugh, stupid Zant, _thought Link. _Time I put him in his place._

With that, Link charged towards him with a battle cry. Zant, in response, extended two blades from his sleeves and started waving them around like the crazy person he was. Their swords clashed, but Zant, having an extra, managed to hit Link and inflict 5% damage on him. Link groaned and tried again. However, this time, Zant did a spin attack on him and inflicted 13% more damage. Zant was motionless for a moment after he did that, giving Link time to attack him.

The battle progressed like this for awhile. Zant displayed all of his moves , including a number of erratic motions with his arm that were an excuse for normal attacks with his blade, energy balls (special move), spin attack (side special move), teleport (down special move), and dramatically fly upwards (up special move or recovery move). Link especially hated his taunts, one of which involved him having a temper tantrum, another of which involved him jumping up and down and shrieking, and the last of which involved him extending his blades and shrieking an intelligible phrase about Ganondorf being a god.

Finally, Link had enough and managed to KO him. He sighed in relief and finally teleported back to Smash Manor.

"Was that all a dream?" he wondered. Zelda ran into the teleporting room and embraced him before he could wonder any more.

"Link! What took you so long?" she asked.

"A challenger approached," Link replied. He proceeded to tell the entire story. When he finished, Zelda looked at him in shock.  
"And now, we're finally rid of Zan- what's wrong?" he asked her.

"You didn't KO him, did you?" she asked.

"I did," he grinned.

"Well, we're not rid of him, then," she said quietly. "You _do _remember that when you win a challenge fight, the challenger joins the brawl?"

"I forgot that, actually," Link was stunned.

"So now, Zant's somewhere in the Mansion," Zelda finished. Just then, Link felt his lungs be squeezed in a bone-crushing hug.

"Hello, Zant," Zelda said weakly.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH, LINK!" screamed Zant. "I'M GOING TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND! YOU ACTUALLY HELPED ME JOIN THE BRAWL! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I'LL GIVE YOU LOTS OF CANDY AND PRESENTS! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I'M SORRY THAT I WAS THE ANTAGONIST OF _TWILIGHT PRINCESS! _I THINK YOU'RE AWESOME! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK-"  
"We get the picture, Zant," Zelda replied. "Now release Link before you squeeze him to death."

Zant promptly dropped Link and grinned at her.

"Link, would you show Zant to Master Hand's office?" asked Zelda.

"I LOVE YOU IN A PLATONIC WAY, LINK!" shouted Zant.

"This is going to be a very long day," groaned Link.

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**Author's note: **_see any errors? Anything that you want to correct? Like Zant's move set? Want me to continue! Let me know in a review!_


	2. Zant meets fellow psychos

Author's note: wow, I got a lot of reviews and requests! Well, anyway, I'll try to do all of the requests! From now on, at the end of each chapter, I will have four characters for my dear readers to vote on via review. As soon as I get ten votes, I'll introduce the next character. Until then, you'll just hear about the other characters.

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"Well, ehm, welcome to Brawl!" Master Hand tried his best to be friendly despite the fact that he and Zant had just had an extremely awkward interview, with Zant randomly spilling his deepest, darkest secrets (the nature of which Master Hand really didn't want to know), a lot of begging to be grouped in with Link, Zelda, and Ganondorf (even though he normally would be, Zant had brought the issue up so much that Master Hand was thinking about not grouping him with them), and some whining that everyone got a stage except for him. Master Hand had been ready to throw something, and that was before Zant began to do impressions of a dying cat (at least, that's what Master Hand thought of it).

"THANKS A LOT, BUT CAN I HAVE MY OWN STAGE? EVERYONE GETS A STAGE EXCEPT ME!" Zant whined.

"Can you name anyone in particular who does have a stage?" Master Hand asked, trying hard to resist his urge to fire some of his finger lasers at Zant.

"WELL… UMM… I ACTUALLY CAN'T!" Zant replied. "But there are enough for all of them to have one!"

"What a great segue into introductions," came a voice from the door.

"What?" asked Master Hand. The door suddenly banged open, and every single Brawler (or Smasher, depends on who was talking or who was being talked about) poured in to the thankfully large office that belonged to Master Hand.

"Well, as I was saying," came the voice, which proved to belong to the ever-helpful (and self-proclaimed leader of the Brawlers/Smashers) Mario, a short man wearing a red shirt and hat with bright blue overalls. "I might as well introduce you to all of the Smashers!"

"Brawlers!" came a voice from the crowd.

"Okay, fine, Brawlers. Or Smashers, whichever you guys would prefer," Mario corrected himself.

**(Note here: this is a very long section, but do not skip over it. It provides vital information about the Brawlers/Smashers and their humorous elements in this story).**

**(Additionally, to Master Hand: I'd leave right now. As in, before Mario starts talking. He blatantly ignores the fact that you are the real leader of the Smashers or Brawlers).**

Master Hand quickly got out of his chair and floated out before Mario could start talking.

"Well, anyway," Mario continued. "I'm Mario, leader of the Brawlers-OR SMASHERS!-but the Hands are legal guardians of sorts!"

"WAIT, IF YOU'RE MARIO, DON'T YOU SPEAK IN AN ITALIAN ACCENT?" asked Zant dubiously.

"NO! I'm absolutely sick of having to speak in an Italian accent every time I appear. I'm from BROOKLYN, not ITALY!" Mario announced to the world. Zant just nodded.

"Hi. I'm Luigi. I'm Mario's twin brother but for some reason, we don't look very similar- MARIO, THE CURTAIN JUST MOVED!" Luigi, who was taller and thinner than Mario and had a straighter mustache, ended his statement in a gasp and hid behind Mario.

"He's a bit… excitable," Mario mumbled to Zant as Luigi turned and jumped when he saw his own shadow. Zant then turned to face an extremely short man, about as wide as he was tall, with a ripped jean jacket, black clothes, and an aviator's cap and goggles. He had an extremely crooked mustache.

"WAH WAH WAH!" he shouted and ran as quickly as he could (trust me, not very fast) towards Zant. He leapt up and shook the Twili's hand. Zant, in the meantime, was extremely repulsed by the small man's extremely foul smell. He wondered why no one else was disgusted. Then, however, he saw the gas masks. Every Smasher/Brawler was wearing one, with the notable exception of Link.

"I'm Wario, and I can fly!" announced Wario. All of a sudden, everyone heard an extremely rude noise, and Wario shot up. He shot up so far, he hit the ceiling and passed out. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Link nervously stepped forward and handed Zant a gas mask.

"THANKS, LINK! I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE NOW!" Zant shrieked and hugged Link extremely hard for the second time that day. Link gagged, then as soon as he was released, he bolted out, carrying Wario (and the bad smell) out.

"WHY DOESN'T LINK HAVE A GAS MASK?" Zant bellowed.

"He takes pleasure in his own pain," Zelda replied, removing her own gas mask wearily.

"POOR LINKY! MAYBE HE NEEDS SOMEONE TO CHEER HIM UP!" Zant burst into very loud tears.

"Come see me if you ever have a problem!" came a bright voice behind Mario. "I'm Dr. Mario, Mario's doctor personality. I'm the only doctor in the Mansion-oh, sorry, gotta go. Apparently Link and Wario met the Pink Nightmare on the way out." With that, Dr. Mario disappeared. Everyone else looked rather somber. Zant supposed that whatever the Pink Nightmare was, it wasn't good to meet it.

"MAMA LUIGI! Zanty doesn't know who the pink nightmare is!" came another voice. Zant realized that it was the large, green dinosaur that had been speaking. The dinosaur then proceeded to go over to the very embarrassed-looking Luigi and whine some more.

"That's Yoshi," Zelda explained. "He thinks Luigi is his Mama. Otherwise, he's rather normal. He sometimes even looks after the other kids. Well, then again, last time he looked after Kirby, Kirby went to the Med-Bay from eating a Smart Bomb that detonated in his stomach. Well, of course, Yoshi went to the Med-Bay himself, because of-oh, Nayru, Zant, RUN!"

Instead of running, Zant turned slowly around, as his mother had told him to do whenever he was face to face with a wild animal-and got the front of his robe abruptly sucked up in a vacuum. Wielding it was a princess. Not just any princess, but a blond princess with huge blue eyes, a pink dress, and a very dangerous expression.

"How in the name of BOWSER'S FORTRESS could you THINK of coming in here with so much DIRT on those clothes of yours?" she shouted, continuing to suck in the robe. Zant shrieked a her in response.

"RUN!" screamed everyone else and made themselves scarce, leaving Zant alone to face the terror of an angry princess with a vacuum. After about five minutes, she flounced out, leaving Zant's robe looking like it had been through a dryer. The rest of the Smashers or Brawlers quietly and nervously crept back into the office and stood around Zant, murmuring apologies.

"WHO WAS THAT?" Zant asked.

"Peach, also known as the Pink Nightmare," Zelda explained.

"ARE ALL OF YOU SCARED OF HER?" Zant asked.

"Hey, everyone!" Zelda shouted. "Would you rather meet Giga Bowser at level nine difficulty or Princess Peach in a dark alleyway at night?"

"Giga Bowser!" thundered everyone.

"What about you, Bowser?" Zelda asked to the one Brawler/Smasher who had remained silent, a large dinosaur-like turtle.

"Peach," the dinosaur-like turtle murmured dreamily. "I'm going to go out and mess up my room so she'll visit." With that, he stamped out with a sappy expression on his face.

"Yep, Bowser's crazy," Mario nodded. "The Pink Nightmare's already my girlfriend, first of all. Second, she'll kill him some time. He's been after her forever, though. He'd do better dating Ganondorf!"

"Yeah, he's been after Bowser for years," came a voice at Zelda's elbow. Zant turned to see a miniature Link with huge eyes.

"I should know," the boy added.

"Don't pay attention," Zelda mumbled to Zant. Then, she turned to the boy and shouted, "Shame on you, Toony. Link told me that Ganondorf's after King Dedede."  
"Why does everyone think Link is so much better than me?" Toon Link asked angrily and ran off.

"That's Toon Link. He spreads rumors," Zelda explained. "Don't listen to him."  
"WAIT," Zant stopped for a second. "IS GANONDORF REALLY-"  
"Oh, my sweet puffball! Please be mine!" came a voice that Zant recognized as Ganondorf's.

"Are you screwing with me? Or us, rather?" came an angry voice. Zant looked off to the far reaches of the crowd, where two pink puffballs, one with huge green eyes, were face to face with Ganondorf.

"We honestly don't know. He could be after Kirby or Jigglypuff," Zelda replied.

All of a sudden, Zant felt a tap on his shoulder and wheeled around to face a girl dressed in what looked like medieval-style combat clothes. She had a sword in her belt, and appeared to have long, blue hair, in which a tiara sat.

"Hey," 'she' said in a voice that Zant realized was too deep for a girl.

"ARE YOU A BOY?" Zant asked.

"Yep," the 'girl' replied.

"OH. SORRY. I'M USED TO LINK," Zant turned pink beneath his helmet and wondered if all other swordsmen looked like girls, and if Link was just an anomaly.

"Well, anyway, I'm Marth," Marth smiled. "Also known as Manly Marth." He struck a pose and appeared to be trying to flex his arm muscles (though Zant didn't see any muscles) before walking off singing some song about being manly.  
"HE'S NOT CALLED MANLY MARTH, IS HE?" Zant turned around and asked Zelda.

"Nope," she replied. "We actually call him 'Martha.'"

"HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT HE'S ACTUALLY A HE? LOOKED LIKE A DEEP-VOICED GIRL TO ME!" announced Zant.

"Well, until Master Hand announced that he was, in fact, a boy, we just thought he was a flat-chested girl," Zelda replied.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT MASTER HAND ISN'T LYING?" Zant asked.

"We don't, actually," Zelda replied. Zant shrieked.

Suddenly, a sword that strangely reminded Zant of a NERF sword came sailing through the air and an overdramatic shout echoed through the hall. Suddenly, a pair of hands grasped the black hilt, and Zant found himself face-to-face with another medieval-looking swordsman with blue hair. However, he could plainly tell that this one was, in fact, a man.

"'Sup? I'm Ike. Awesome Ike. I'm the only one who can destroy Subspace Bombs in Subspace Emissary. I'm the most awesome resident of Smash Mansion as a result," the man didn't even bother being polite before introducing himself. After this rather abrupt and arrogant (not to mention rude) introduction, Ike began to tell stories about his greatness. At least, until Zelda hit him with Din's Fire and earned a KO, even though they weren't in Brawl.

"Remember," Zelda cautioned. "When asked who the most annoying character of SSBB is, it is not Pit (he is not even remotely annoying), Pikachu (he can only speak Pokémon but he's nice), or even the Ice Climbers (okay, fine, they're obnoxious), the most annoying character of Brawl is Ike. Well, at least he has one of the worst recovery moves in the game."

"SUCKS FOR HIM," Zant declared. "ARE THERE ANY MORE SWORDSMEN IN THE MANSION?"  
His question was answered when a boy walked forward and stood face-to-face with Zant. He had bright red hair and was also a swordsman, though he looked to be only about fourteen. He stared at Zant in a rather searching, disquieting way for a moment before Zant felt awkward.  
"UH, HI!" Zant shouted.

"Roy?" Zelda asked nervously. "Roy!"

"The voices are with you," Roy suddenly hissed to Zant, before abruptly walking away.

"HE'S AS CRAZY AS I AM! YAY!" shouted Zant. "ALL THOSE GUYS WERE!"

"Yes," Zelda looked rather weary. "The swordsmen from Fire Emblem all have problems."

"And no one's mentioned meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" came a wail. Zelda looked a little nervous as she led Zant over to where the wail was coming from. The crowd parted to show a small angel with brown hair, blue eyes, and white wings practically sailed through the crowd and ran up to meet them.

"No one loves me!" the angel shrieked. "They ignored me for SEVENTEEN YEARS! !"

"Pit, calm down. You're a fan favorite-" Zelda was interrupted by more plaintive wailing.

"How do you know that?" he cried and looked up at her shakily. "You've been in NEAR CONSTANT USE since you were created, Zelda! I was shoved off into the far corners of Nintendo Universe for SEVENTEEN YEARS!"

"Pit, it's alright-"

"NO ONE LOVES MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I think I'll just go and disappear for the rest of this fic," Pit finished with a sob and ran off crying noisily.

"Pit, come back- well, we'll see him at dinner," finished Zelda. "Now, c'mon, Zant. Let's go. Dinner is waiting."

"WAIT, WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER BRAWLERS-OR SMASHERS?" Zant asked.

"Well, these characters will be the ones starring in the next few chapters alongside newcomers, so they're the most relevant," Zelda replied.

"EVERYONE'S GOT SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM EXCEPT YOU, IT SEEMS!" Zant finished.

"Well, I do have MPD-no I don't!" Zelda cried. "Of course I don't have MPD! Wait, I do, don't I?"

"WHY HAVEN'T YOU BEEN CRAZY THUS FAR?" Zant asked.

"Well, I've had years to practice being both Sheik, my male personality, and Zelda, my female personality. As a result, most of the insanity is beneath the surface," Zelda grinned, before frowning again. "Oh well, come on."

After Zant had eaten a satisfying dinner (and had met the other Smashers/Brawlers offscreen and learned that Mario was a pyromaniac, but was getting therapy) and was now snuggled in bed in Link's room (Link was in his own bed opposite of Zant, and was fuming), he began to hear the worst singing he'd ever heard.

"Oh, the is out for you and me, sweet Samus!" warbled a truly terrible-sounding voice outside. Zant looked out to see a massive dragon seemingly howling at the moon.

"Oh, my Samus, forget the and come join me out here!" the dragon continued to sing in its horrid voice.

"WHO IS THAT?" Zant asked Link, horrified.

"Ridley," Link replied. "Or rather, Meta Ridley. For some extremely insane reason, he got the hots for Samus after Subspace Emissary. Now, he is in love with her, his worst enemy."

Meta Ridley suddenly shrieked and doubled over.

"Oh, sweet Samus! I'll get more crotch armor before I attempt that!" he shouted and flew off, still doubled over. Link clapped and whistled at the very good-looking woman outside, who grinned and walked back in.

"I TAKE IT SHE DOESN'T RETURN THE FEELINGS."

"Yeah, she's sadistic anyway. She loves to hurt me with her whip! And I love getting hurt by the whip!"  
"YOU SHOULD GO TO THERAPY! MAYBE WE COULD BE IN IT TOGETHER!"

"Go climb into a cabinet and die, Zant."

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Author's note: Before you all say how much you hated this chapter, know that it is necessary. I have put a chart here of all the introduced characters and their issues. Every ten chapters, I'll do the same.

Master Hand: Control freak

Zant: must you ask?

Link: Self-harming

Zelda/Sheik (who made a cameo): MPD

Mario: Leader complex/issues with stereotypes/pyromaniac

Luigi: scared of everything

Wario: foul manners

Dr. Mario: unknown

Yoshi: Mama Luigi issues

Peach: Psycho

Bowser: In love with said psycho

Toon Link: Gossiper/Ignored

Ganondorf: Madly in love with one (or possibly both) of the puffballs/boundary issues  
Kirby: Unknown

Jigglypuff: Unknown

Marth: Thinks he's manly

Ike: "I'm awesome" issues

Roy: Unclear, but there's definitely something wrong with him

Pit: Ignored/overly sensitive

Meta Ridley: Diva disorder/major boundary issues/is believed to misunderstand the word 'No'

Samus: Sadistic

And now, vote for your favorite character: Seth (Fire Emblem), Invader Zim (Invader Zim), Midna (Twilight Princess), Vaati (Minish Cap/Four Swords)


	3. What WAS going to be Zant's first brawl

**What I intended to be Zant's first brawl that ended up being this random crack**

**Author's note:**_ Lots of reviews! Yahoo! Well, as suggested by Foxpilot, the vote amount will be lowered to five. Well, too late this time around! But anyway, next time, only five votes are required. Even so, vote if you want._

_Anyway, sorry for the delay. I've had so many ideas for this story._

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"GOOD MOOORNING, SWEET SAMUS!" warbled a voice outside. Meta Ridley was back, not even twelve hours after Samus had brutally injured him. Zant knew that he wasn't the brightest button in the stack, but also knew that Meta Ridley made him look all shiny and new. Geez, no wonder that guy had been cut.

"Would you just SHUT UP?" bellowed Princess Peach from inside her room. Meta Ridley whimpered and retreated. He was really afraid of that girl. Well, her and Samus.

"GOOD MORNING, LINK!" Zant shouted. He himself had been up since 5:30, practicing his ballet routine, which he hoped to perform for the other Smashers soon. Why he hadn't woken Link, he didn't know. Link groaned and rolled to the other side of his bed.

"LINK! BUENOS DIAS! ZHAO-SHANG HAO! BONJOUR! WAKE UP!" Zant continued shouting. Looking at his clock quickly, he shouted "IT'S ABOUT... 7: 3!"

"7:15, Zant. Don't you know how to read a clock?" Link moaned and got up. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"Link? It's torture session time!" shouted a voice from outside. Link suddenly acted as though a fire had been lit under him and pulled his clothes on (though he slept with his hat on), and raced outside to meet none other than Zero-Suit Samus with a laser whip.

"Where should we go that doesn't disturb Peach?" Samus asked.

"Why not... in here?" Link asked. "She's used to my self-harming, so she put some sound-deadening stuff in." Samus nodded and walked inside. Zant was passing by her to leave the room when all of a sudden, a pair of sharp teeth sank into his arm. He shrieked.

"Oh, that's just Pikachu. He'll bite anything or anyone that gets within thirty feet of me except for Link (unless he asks Pikachu to) or Ridley. I am the only one allowed to torture Link or Ridley," Samus explained coolly. "Down, Pikachu." Pikachu nodded and sank his teeth into Link's arm, who affectionately patted the large yellow mouse.

"SEE YOU AT BREAKFAST, LINK! I'LL SAVE YOU A SEAT!" Zant shouted. Link whimpered and turned to face Samus.

"So, which weapon are you going to use on me first?" he asked. Samus grinned and pulled out a piece of her Varia suit.

Outside, in the hall, despite the early hour, there was already a great amount of activity going on. Pit was whimpering in a corner, complaining about how no one loved him, and how even Zant got more attention than him in this fic. Kirby walked over, said "Poyo," and tried to dance to make him laugh, but Pit just swatted the pink puffball aside and moaned something about how even pink puffballs got more attention than him.

Ganondorf, meanwhile, suddenly burst out of his room in a blaze of darkness, laughing insanely. Jigglypuff, who'd been walking by, quickly rolled in the other direction. Ganondorf turned bright pink at frightening the object of his affections (unless it was Kirby, but as I am not a yaoi fan, I believe Process of Elimination works here).

"WORD OF ADVICE, MY LORD," Zant said in what he hoped was a confidential (though everyone in the hall could hear him) tone. "WHEN TRYING TO PICK UP A CHICK, DO NOT TRY TO SCARE HER."

"And you know so much better than I how to impress a girl?" Ganondorf asked dryly.

"NO," Zant replied. "YOU KNOW SO MUCH MORE THAN I ANYWAY. YOU ARE A GOD, AFTER ALL."

Ganondorf sighed.

"We've been through this, Zant. I am not a god. What gave you that idea?"

"YOU'RE IN MORE GAMES THAN PIT, WHO'S THE PREMIERE PROTAGONIST OF HIS SERIES!"

Pit gave a howl.

"Okay, seriously, I think even Captain Olimar's been in more games than Pit. So what else gave you the idea?"

"I FORGET RIGHT NOW."

"Okay," Ganondorf sighed, "That was entirely pointless."

Meanwhile, Marth was standing shirtless in front of the door that led to the room that he, Ike, and Roy shared.

"For the last time, Ike, I am manlier than you are!" he bellowed. "And I am actually glad you kicked me out shirtless!" Zant could practically hear Ike roll his eyes. Zant almost rolled his eyes. Those Fire Emblem characters were weird.

Speaking of which, Roy was standing a few feet away, having an intense conversation with a wall. Now that was a weirdo.

"Hey, Zant!" shouted Zelda. "Nice to see you!" With that, the princess strode down the hall, her dress billowing behind her as she walked.

SO PRETTY, Zant reflected. WAIT, WHAT THE H***?  
"C'mon, Zant! You need some breakfast before your first brawl, don't you?" Zelda asked with a smile.

"WAIT, MY FIRST BRAWL?" Zant asked.

"Yep, your first brawl," Zelda replied, grinning. "Master Hand wants you to be a normal Smasher-I mean, Brawler. Which term do you prefer?"  
"I HONESTLY DON'T CARE! WHICH TERM DO YOU PREFER?" Zant asked.

Zelda blushed prettily. Gosh, she was so elegant-WHAT'S WITH ME TODAY? wondered Zant.

"Well, I prefer Smasher, but I prefer Brawler," Zelda replied. Her eyes glowed red at the 'Brawler' part.

"SO ZELDA PREFERS SMASHER AND SHEIK PREFERS BRAWLER! I'LL GO WITH ZELDA!" Zant replied. Zelda nodded, her eyes returning to their sky-blue eyes.

"Anyway, now for breakfast," Zelda grabbed Zant's hand and strode back down the hall. Zant was forced to follow her if he didn't want his arm ripped off. For her rather ladylike appearance, Zelda was as strong as Link.

"WAIT! I WANNA SAVE A SEAT FOR LINK!" Zant shouted when Zelda took him to one of the booths in the cafeteria. Zelda just sighed.

"He's going to be awhile. Samus is torturing him. Keeps her from torturing the rest of us," Zelda replied. "Besides, he usually sits with her anyway."  
"SO, HOW DO WE ORDER FOOD?" Zant asked. Zelda pointed to a control pad next to his placemat, then indicated to her own, pressed a few buttons, and in about thirty seconds, a stack of pancakes with syrup on the side and a pat of butter on top, hot chocolate, and bacon appeared in front of her. She looked annoyed, banged on her control panel, and snapped, "You forgot silverware." With that, a knife shot out of who knows where and almost hit her in her forehead, and a fork shot out of another area dubbed who knows where and hit her shoulder pad.

"Good thing I wear some armor, mm?" she smiled at Zant and politely waited for him to order. Zant banged the control panel with his fist, hitting every single button. A puff of smoke emerged from his placemat, and in a minute, the machine announced "Error. Overload" in a voice that sounded suspiciously like R.O.B's.

"R.O.B RUNS THE KITCHEN?" Zant asked.

"Nah, Crazy Hand just programmed every mechanical thing in the house to have a voice like R.O.B's. Roy goes beserk every time it happens," Zelda replied.

"WELL, WHAT DO I DO ABOUT FOOD NOW?" Zant shouted. Zelda indicated to the panel next to her (it was a four person booth and Zant had been seated on the opposite side). Zant leapt up, ran over to it, punched in random buttons, and shrieked "DON'T FORGET HAND WIPES, SILVERWARE, AND NAPKINS!"

About a few seconds later, a waffle topped with pineapple, orange juice spiked with caffeine, hand wipes, a parasol made of napkins, ice cream topped with eggs, and silverware was sitting in front of Zant. Zelda sighed as Zant quickly wiped off his hands, put the parasol in his lap, grabbed his silverware, said "BON APETITE," and took a massive bite out of his ice cream topped with eggs. Zelda began eating as well, and the two discussed a few timeline-related theories that the two had about the Legend of Zelda canon. All of a sudden, their peace was shattered when R.O.B entered.

"ちょっとそこ！どのようにして、今日ですか?" R.O.B asked in his metallic voice.

"UH, DON'T FOLLOW YOU!" Zant replied.

"あなたがいないのですか？もう、あなたは、私が思ったより厚くている！" R.O.B shouted.

"R.O.B, Zant (and I) didn't understand you," Zelda replied.

"厚ヘッド！"

"Lay off 'em, R.O.B!" Ike mumbled. "That was just mean."  
"Thanks, Ike," Zelda smiled.

"And Awesome Ike saves the day again," Ike grinned arrogantly. Zelda sighed.

"HOW DOES HE UNDERSTAND R.O.B ANYWAY?" Zant asked.

"He's got a pen pal from another fanbase who doesn't speak a lot of English," Zelda replied. Before any other comments could be made about R.O.B or Ike, Master Hand came shooting in. Seeing Zant's choice of food, he gasped.

"You can't eat that swill! Seriously, eggs on ice cream?" Master Hand nearly shouted.

"I CAN EAT WHAT I WANT, CAN'T I?" Zant replied with a question.

"Well, anyway, I came to warn you that your first brawl is in five minutes. You'll be against a young woman who severely ticked off Peach in the middle of the night by making an unplanned arrival after Peach's match."  
"How did Peach's match against Dedede go, anyway?" Zelda asked. "I bet Dedede won," she added, her eyes glowing red.  
"No. peach actually beat the s**t out of Dedede. The poor penguin is now in the med bay, sore in twenty places no one should be sore in," Master Hand replied.

"AND THE OTHER NEW ARRIVAL?" Zant asked.

"Peach didn't get a chance to beat the anything out of this one. She only barely managed to KO her," Master Hand seemed to be smiling to himself, before the smile suddenly faded. "Oh no…"  
"WHAT?"  
"I just received reports from Mario that Crazy Hand took Popo and Nana bungee jumping in the elevator shafts. I'll have to stall all the elevators," sighed Master Hand. "Gotta go."

With that, he zoomed out.

"Ah, the drama," sighed Zelda. Then, she looked at the clock.  
"OH MY GOSH, ZANT! YOUR FIRST BRAWL IS IN THREE MINUTES! C'MON, I'VE GOTTA GET YOU READY!" Zelda shouted, sounding not unlike her new friend, and dragged Zant off.

* * *

"SO, AFTER EACH BRAWL, THERE'S A PHOTO SHOOT?" Zant asked. "AND BEFORE EACH BRAWL, WE HAVE TO ENTER IN SPECIALIZED PORTALS? AND MINE IS TWILIT ENERGY?"  
"Correct on all counts," Zelda replied. "And what are you going to do for the time in between?"  
"DUKE IT OUT AND FIGHT TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITIES AGAINST WHOEVER I MIGHT BE AGAINST, USING ALL THE WEAPONS AND ALL THE TOOLS THAT I HAVE AND THAT MASTER HAND DROPS FROM… WAIT, WHERE DOES HE DROP IT FROM?"

"Duke it out? Did I really say that?" Zelda asked.  
"I GUESS SHIEK DID!"

"I guess," Zelda smiled. "Anyway, I don't know where he drops it from. Also, good luck." With that, she walked out of the teleporting chamber where Zant was standing. He waved goodbye to her and jumped into the teleporter, appearing in a wave of Twilit energy.

On the other side of the stage (which turned out to be Final Destination), another wave of Twilit energy had appeared.

"SO I'M AGAINST GANONDORF, EH?" Zant wondered very loudly.

"No, silly!" came Link's voice from the earpiece that Zant had been fitted with. Each Brawler-or Smasher!-an earpiece and a wristband in each brawl, the earpiece allowing the Smasher-or Brawler!-to hear their audience or other Smashers-or Brawlers! Meanwhile, the wristband allowed the Smashers-or Brawlers!-to tap into their interface, namely check their popularity, look up the time of their next match, check their scores, sweep the area for the troublesome Boos or Poes that haunted the mansion (only used by Link when he was trying to complete a sidequest or by Luigi, who was terrified of Boos), and the like.

"WHY AM I SILLY?" Zant asked.

"Because Master Hand specifically said you were fighting a young woman. And as far as I know, Ganondorf is not a woman."  
"Wait a sec-" came the voice of Zelda in Zant's earpiece. "Twilit energy and a young woman? No-"  
"IT COULDN'T BE-" I think everyone knows who said that.

"MIDNA?" the three chorused together as a tall redhead appeared on the other side of the stage, causing most of the men in the crowd to start drooling.

"That is the hottest woman I've ever seen," gasped Wolf, Snake, Ganondorf (who had never seen Midna's Twili form), Captain Falcon, and Wario, among others. As a matter of fact, the only one who wasn't watching with rapt attention as Midna picked up and threw a Pokeball at Zant was Fox.

"What's the matter with you?" asked Falco. "Haven't you ever seen such a good-looking chick?"

"I have," Fox replied. "Her name is Krystal."

* * *

**Author's note:**_ So, since I was gone so long, I have decided that I will be publishing at least one, if not more, chapters a day._

_**Personal chapter notes:** Well, well, well, Zant's got a little crush on someone, eh? I was originally making this story Zelink, but thanks to a suggestion from Dark Lord Link, I decided to spice things up a little and have Link go with Samus (They work together better in this story anyway), leaving Zelda open for someone else._

_Aww, Fox and Krystal fluff there at the end! I'm thinking of adding Krystal some time, actually._

_Also, I have R.O.B speaking some language or other. I am pretty sure that you all have a good guess what it is, but if not, submit your guess in a review. Whoever gets it right first gets their vote in the next tally counted twice. Not major, but it gives their chosen chapter just a little boost._

_Also, whoever provides the correct translation gets their vote counted twice. Cheap reward, I know, but until I think of a better one (or until you lot suggest another), that'll be it._

_Finally, can anyone venture a guess what problem Midna would have? I already have it figured it out, but I want to see what my readers think she might have wrong with her. Whoever gets it right gets their vote counted three times! Yes, I am pretty sure none of you will get it right, to be honest._

_Finally, keep suggesting your characters, and vote on whichever one you want!_

**Current tally:**

(The two most popular characters that didn't win last time will be counted again. Don't worry, Seth will be back some time)

Vaati:_ Zim:_ Krystal: _ Daisy:_

**Last tally**

Vaati: 2. Midna: 4. Seth: 1. Zim: 2

**Final winner: Midna

* * *

**

As always, please, if you have any character ideas, submit them!


	4. Roy really loses it

**Zant's REAL FIRST BRAWL**

**Author's note: **_Okay, guys! As none of the characters won from the last tally, the tally is back. Also, I have split this chapter. At last, for awhile at least, this will have a plot._

_Also, do you guys prefer hearing about brawls or just goings-on at Smash Mansion? Or both? _

"Hi, Zant! Prepare to get your butt kicked!" Midna cried as she punched him. "I may have been just a helper last time, but this time, I'll exact revenge in the way that I see fit! Starting by creaming YOUR FACE! Anyway, did you see the latest Twilit sitcom? It was epic! I absolutely loved it!"

"Oh no," Zelda gasped. "Her issue is the fact that she is overtalkative, I think!" Even as she said that, Midna began jabbering about Chu jelly.

Zant gave a shriek of surprise as Midna used her down special move to transform.

"Ripoff!" shouted Zelda as imp Midna appeared. She immediately used her side special move to cause her hair to wrap around Zant and squeeze like a python, as she cheerfully began to talk about how Ilia was planning on coming and stalking Link. Eventually, she let go as Zant shot an energy ball at her, knocking her down. Using her special move, Midna rushed forwards and smacked him with a wave of Twilit energy. Zant used teleport to avoid her braids, then used his spin attack to know her off the cliff. However, she used her up special move (or recovery move) to teleport upwards and back onto the cliff, wrapping Zant in her braids again.

"She is ripping me off," whined Zelda over the intercom.

"I PWNZ YOU!" Midna screamed in purposeful bad grammar as she inflicted major amounts of damage on him.

"HELP ME!" Zant shrieked in reply. Master Hand decided to pity him and dropped in a Smash Ball aimed directly for him. Midna lunged for it, while Zant leapt upwards and tried to predict where it would go next. He failed miserably. Midna ended up unlocking the Smash ball. Pulling out the pieces of the fused shadow, Midna allowed them to fit onto her, then allowed herself to become the monstrous beast that the fused shadow transformed her into.

Zant was even more of a goner now. She scored a KO and won the match.

**Roy's rampage: the beginning**

**Author's note: **_The only warning that I shall attach to this is that I am currently on a sugar high. And I just watched some kaiju flicks. I don't know what that has to do with anything, but it does now._

Right after the photo shoot, it was Twili Midna that floated out to greet her friends.

"Link! Zelda! How are you guys? It's been so long! I have so much to tell you!" Midna squealed and began to talk at 50 mph. Zant decided that now was ample opportunity to go and acquaint himself with some of the other Smashers. Entering the cafeteria, he found that it had been set up into a lounge of sorts. Many Smashers were now on their computers (except for Pit, who was rocking in his seat and crying, and Kirby, who kept eating the napkins). Eventually, being the nut that he was, he went to go hang out at one of the only tables with more than two places filled. There were four other occupants of the table: Marth (who was singing about how manly he was while admiring himself in the mirror), Ike (who was typing on his computer), Roy (who instantly stared at Zant in an extremely creepy way),and Mario (who had set his pasta on fire and was now laughing evilly).

"UH, HI GUYS!" Zant shouted.

"The voices told me that you're insane," Roy informed him in a serious manner before screaming like a three-year-old and complaining to thin air, "I don't care if you told me not to tell him, I wanted to! Don't hit me!"

"OKAY, THAT WAS A MISERABLE FAILURE!" Zant commented.

"Well, duh," came Zelda's voice behind them. Grinning, she slid into a chair next to Ike. "Who are you emailing, Ike?"  
"My pen pal from the Godzilla fanbase," Ike replied. "Agrees that I am AWESOME! Says so about himself, come to think of it."

"Let's hope that Ike #2's not joining the brawl any time soon," Zelda said quietly to Zant, who giggled loudly.

"BURNING FIREEEEEEE!" Mario shrieked, laughing insanely.

"You need to have another therapy session with Dr. Mario, and soon," Zelda commented. "C'mon, Zant. Before-"

Suddenly, thunder echoed through the lounge. Lightning flashed. The lights dimmed. And no, Zelda12343 didn't appear like she did in _to smash the ring. _Instead, a huge, white glove appeared. Zant could instantly tell that it wasn't Master Hand. This one had a different feeling, and his fingers were twitching like mad.

"A-hay! I-ay ave-hay ome-cay o-tay et-gay ou-yay!" the hand shouted.

"-Crazy Hand comes. I'm so stupid," Zelda finished lamely.

"WHAT'S HE SAYING?" Zant asked.

"Ant-zay! Ou-yay o-day ot-nay peak-say ig-pay atin-lay?"

"Pig Latin," Zelda muttered. "Why did it have to be Pig Latin? Miyamoto must be pulling a joke on all of us."

"Miyamoto doesn't run the show here!" boomed a voice from the sky. "I do. But no one wants me to join the story. I'd screw it up, wouldn't I?"

All of the Smashers looked up in confusion except for Roy, who was screaming and attacking a nearby lamp, Ike, who was still on his laptop, emailing his pen pal, and Snake, who was sitting in a corner.

"Autocon," he muttered into his head piece. "I just figured out that Pit isn't the least paid-attention to character in Brawl."  
"Who is it, Snake?" Autocon replied.

"ROY, IKE, AND SNAKE!" boomed the voice. All three stopped (well, Roy did with the shade on his head and the stalk of the lamp in his mouth, but only because he finished tearing into it).

"Okay, anyways, I wanted to introduce myself. I am the authoress' voice. I live in the Author Realm in the place known as fanfiction dot net." Gasps could be heard. "I may come and visit some day. If my friends the other authors want me to join you down there, I might. However, until then, just imagine me as a disembodied voice. I have a form, but no one is seeing it unless I join the brawl. Anyways, there are a few announcements that I want to make. Roy, I am not another illusion. I am the actual author."  
Roy, by now, was lying on the ground, whimpering.

"You're an Xilian here to mind-control us! HELP!" Roy shrieked and clutched his ears. Ike looked a little embarrassed.

"Roy, if you please, no matter what you do, the cast list for Godzilla: Final Brawls is set in stone," the voice continued, not realizing that it would never get to tell everyone the announcements.

"That's the last time that I show him _Godzilla: Final Wars,_" mumbled Ike. Suddenly, Roy stood up, leapt into the embarrassed Ike's lap, and started strangling him.

"HAHAHAHA! I'm under the control of the SPIRITS NOW! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"  
Ike turned blue and passed out. Roy shrieked evilly and dove for Marth, who was screaming like a girl.

"SAVE ME!" he howled and threw himself into the nearest girl's lap. The girl turned out to be none other than Peach.

"Sorry," he muttered, realizing that his head was now on her shoulder.

"KILL!" she screamed and knocked him off-

Straight into the open arms of Roy.

"GAHAHA! I WILL KILL YOUZZ!" Roy shouted.

"Elp-hay!" Crazy Hand bellowed and punched Roy.

"Okay, who gave Roy sugar?" Master Hand asked as Roy stood up, randomly decided to flash the entire population of Smash Mansion, then ran over to Midna and plastered his lips on her face.

"OH MY GOD!" shouted an angry Pokemon Trainer (who I named Kotu. He needs a name). "Stop hitting on her!" She's mine!"

"You're no better!" Marth grunted and tackled Kotu.

"We should get out of here. Now," Zelda muttered as Roy took his lips off Midna (who looked rather shocked) and grabbed a plate of fruit, flung it at Master Hand, then flipped him off and threw his sword at Link.

"PAIN!" Link shouted as the sword embedded itself in his chest.

"Link!" Samus cried.  
"LINK!" Zant suddenly started crying hysterically.

"Don't throw that!" warned Dr. Mario as Roy scooped up a now swearing R.O.B (I don't feel like visiting Google translator right now, so you won't hear what he's saying). "It has to be sterilized first."  
"SPIRITZ FTW!" Roy bellowed and randomly banged his head against a wall.

"Zant. We should go. Now. I'll get Samus and Link," Zelda muttered.

"WOULD YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I-"  
"I love you too, Zant. Now get out."

Zant watched desperately as Roy barreled towards Zelda, who knocked him off with a scream and advanced to Link and Samus. Grabbing each one by the arm, Zelda dragged the two behind her as she teleported to the door. Zant met her there, Pikachu tagging along by means of sinking his teeth into Zant's shoulder and hanging off.

"I want to hurt him!" Samus shouted.  
"Shut up. You'll get hurt," Zelda replied. "And Link already is. Now come on, Zant."

With that, the five Smashers ran into the control room and barricaded themselves inside when they heard a shrieking Roy come racing past them. They also heard the other Smashers making frantic attempts to barricade themselves in their rooms and in closets. Finally, they heard the dramatic shots of who could only be Peach and Ike, off to combat Roy.

"Great. Stuck in here with someone who's self-harming, a sadist, said sadist's pet and bodyguard, a psycho, and my own split personality. And no food. And nothing to do. And Link is injured," Zelda mumbled, her eyes glowing red. "And guess what? Who knows how long we'll be here? Whoop-de doo."

Link just sighed and examined his cut. He shoved his hand into his hat and, after a few seconds of rummaging, came up with a blue potion, which he gulped down with relish. About five seconds later, his cut healed.

"So _that's _why you didn't get scars the time that you threw yourself into the fire," Zelda commented.

"LINK!" Zant shouted and glomped him fan-girl style.

"Roy, get subdued… now…" Link moaned.

"Let's hope that the authoress doesn't send in the Skull Kid with Majora's mask on or something," Samus announced, pulled Pikachu off of Zant, and tossed him at Link.

"Whew. Zant, get off me," Link gently untangled Zant, who ran over to Zelda.

"Alright, guys. Now all we have to do is wait it out," she announced as another dramatic scream came from outside. Roy then shouted something unintelligible.

**Author's note: **_Hey, sorry. What happened to a chapter or more a day? The answer: surprise holiday visits. I am so sorry, but I hope the introduction of a short plot makes it up. It's random, but enjoy it. _

_**Personal chapter notes: **__So. It seems that Roy flipped out with the introduction of a mere two Smashers O_O. What's going to happen when more are introduced? Maybe more characters will flip. Also, Midna had only a really small part in this, but trust me, in this next plot, she'll be a key figure. And we find out that she's awfully talkative…_

_Okay, on Crazy Hand's Pig Latin… I didn't feel like using the shift key wrong for him like everyone else always does for him. So I just used Pig Latin._

_Be on the lookout for the next chapter! It introduces more of the current crackish plot and how YOU can join in._

**Current tally:**

**(**As none of the characters won, I'll have this tally up again).

Vaati: 1 Zim:_ Krystal: 2 Daisy: 2


End file.
